Grief As I know It

I believe that there are different forms of grief a person can experience.

The loss of an opportunity, the loss of a friendship or a relationship that terminated, and though they are still alive and healthy, those people are no longer in your life. The feeling of grief when you know the dream you had for so long is not going to come true, and you finally have to give it up and embrace life as it is.

I have experienced grief in many forms, including the ones mentioned above. They are painful and can leave you with the feeling of emptiness, as if something is missing, but you cannot do anything about it.

This week, for the first time in my life, I experienced the most severe form of grief, I lost my grandfather. If I thought I knew what pain was, until that moment, I was living in a blissful oblivion.

I am incredibly grateful that in his last moments, my family and I were there for him, loving and supporting him in any way we could. But seeing the life drained out of him snapped something in me.

As an adult, I understand the concept of life and the perishability that comes with it. Nevertheless, this does not make the pain of losing someone you deeply love any less severe.

When grief strikes, there is no preparation for how to handle the emotions flooding your mind and body. This comes in the aftermath when you are already underwater, drowning in emotions, and simultaneously trying to swim up.

My Grief.

Grief is probably one of the strongest emotions I have ever experienced. It feels as if my mind is covered in a blanket of darkness, and I am in a prison inside my own head, with no way out, only thought. Behind every corner of my mind, pain is waiting, and I have to feel every single emotion and consume every single memory my conscience throws at me.

Grief manifests not only as a mental emotion but a physical state. The inability to eat, the feeling of your guts being twisted in a knot, and the pain in your chest, as if your heart is swollen and it’s crying from the inside.

For me, grief has just started, and I am trying to find a way to cope with it. Staying with my family and talking about my grandpa has been the best cure so far. The embrace of my husband every time we go to bed and writing are other ways I find strength.

I cannot help but think how many people have been in my situation. How many people have it a thousand times worse. With the raging war in Ukraine and the escalation between Israel and Gaza, my grief may look like a slight drop in the ocean of true pain.

For me, it’s a whole damn river.

My advice to everyone reading this is to be conscious of the limited time we have with the people we love, and as cheesy as it might sound, use most of it. Because when you are together at the end, the most important thing is the memories you have shared together in the beautiful journey called life.